


Hide and Seek

by blackchaps



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Gen, Schmoop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-22
Updated: 2013-05-22
Packaged: 2017-12-12 14:29:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/812619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackchaps/pseuds/blackchaps
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p> Rodney brings home a surprise from Earth. John is suspicious.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hide and Seek

**Author's Note:**

> Written for my thirteen year old daughter’s birthday, so please be nice if you leave a comment.

*******

“Thanks for nothing!”

Rodney gave the cab driver the finger. It so wasn’t his fault he’d run out of money. Life had gotten much more expensive while he was saving asses in the Pegasus galaxy. Waving to the cameras, he waited for the gates to open.

“Dr. McKay, you’re late.” It sounded like General Landry over the intercom system.

“Yeah, yeah,” Rodney muttered. The gate swung open, and he headed down the road towards the tunnel. It wasn’t far. He could’ve demanded a jeep, but he might as well start working off the pumpkin pie now, before Ronon got hold of him. While he walked, he tried to find his photo I.D. – it’d be checked before he was allowed inside the complex.

“Damn it,” he muttered, stopping to put down his overstuffed backpack and do a more thorough search. He heard the truck before he saw it, and he stepped up on the small sidewalk. “Stupid trucks.”

It was dirty, smelly, and loud, and he waited until the dust settled before opening his pack. Carefully, so carefully, he found his I.D. and clipped it on his jacket.

“Meh.”

He blinked and looked around. It wasn’t very bright in the tunnel.

“Meh!”

Going for his gun seemed an over-reaction, but he wished he had it. “Come out, and I won’t run like a chicken!”

Silence, and he put on his backpack again, just in case it was time to run. Something crashed into his legs, and he jumped straight up, yelping. “Ow! Ow! Ow!”

“Meow!”

Trying to peel the kitten off his jacket, he hopped around. “How the hell did you get in here?”

The kitten didn’t answer, but it dug in its claws. Rodney started walking for the other end of the tunnel, holding the kitten tightly. “Okay, that’s enough. Yes, the truck was scary, but you lived.

“How did you get in here? There’s security you know.” Rodney smiled and patted the kitty on the head. “Don’t worry. I’ll hand you over to someone soon, and they’ll…” He grimaced, hating to say the word ‘pound’ to the tiny kitten. Stopping completely, he peeled the kitten off and stared in its eyes. It was black, mostly. A small patch of white decorated its chest, and its golden eyes glared.

“Damn.” Rodney stopped again. He sighed loudly. “We’ll give it a try, but Ronon still might eat you.”

“Meh!”

“Yeah, that would suck.” Quickly, he unloaded his backpack. “I was going to eat that turkey so take it for the gift it is.” He put the kitten on top of the clothes that hid the beer with a small package of turkey. Buckling the backpack, he picked up his pie and hurried. Hauled ass, really. No, he wasn’t as fast as Teyla but no one was. Through the tunnel, a checkpoint, the elevator, another checkpoint, his retinas were scanned, and he was headed for the gate.

“Did you just burp?” Rodney hissed. “Settle down and take a nap or your little butt is headed for the gas chamber.” The threat must’ve worked because there wasn’t a peep as he entered Stargate Operations.

“Dr. McKay, did I mention you were late?”

“Yes, yes. The plane was delayed.” Rodney juggled his pie, edging for the ramp.

Landry snorted. “It was on time. I checked. I suppose the taxi took forever?”

“It did!” Rodney hoped he wasn’t sweating. “Okay, I stopped and got donuts.”

“I thought so.” Landry shook his head. “Do I need to search your backpack for contraband?”

Rodney glared. It was all he could think to do. “One Marine touches my backpack, and I’ll gate a pack of drungas right into your lap!”

“Sounds bad.” Landry didn’t look impressed. “Chocolate, beer, and pie, huh?”

“Well, yeah, and a few Twinkies, but that is not contraband!” Rodney shifted on his feet. “Can I go now?” he whined. That usually worked. Landry groaned and threw up his hands in disgust. That was perfect.

“Dial the gate!” Landry yelled up at Walter.

“Meh.”

Landry turned back to Rodney, frowning. “Excuse me?”

Rodney coughed. “Something stuck in my throat. Probably a turkey bone.”

“Chevron one locked.”

“Your stargate is incredibly outdated.” Rodney made sure he was out of the splash zone, glad for the noise of the chevrons locking. Landry gave him a sour look. “What?” Rodney protested. “You don’t even have a working DHD, relying on a computer program with more errors in it than can be explained by Kavanagh’s presence on your staff!”

“I know. You’ve told me. Over and over again.” Landry moved away. “Go home, Dr. McKay.”

“Thank you. I will.” Rodney smirked, mission accomplished. He could feel squirming, and the instant the ka-whoosh subsided, he bolted up the ramp and took his kitten on a wild ride to another galaxy.

“You owe me ten,” Sheppard said, nudging Lorne.

“Crap. For once, I thought he’d be on time.”

Rodney glared at their smug faces but felt a wild movement on his back and knew he was about out of time.

“Jeannie made you a pie,” he lied outrageously, hating the sacrifice. “If I don’t get some, you’ll never enjoy hot water again.” He plunked it in Sheppard’s hands, nearly laughing at their amazed faces. During their full-blown confusion, he bolted for the safety of his lab. Halfway there, he changed his mind and headed for his quarters. One-third of the way there, he reversed his direction and went to his lab.

It didn’t take a genius to know that he was going to need cohorts, and the very best kind were the kind he could fire if they opened their big mouths.

“You are back?”

“No, I’m just dropping in to be miserable. I’ll be leaving on the next bus.” Rodney swung his backpack off and clutched it.

“Meow!”

“Rodney, your backpack is making strange noises.” Zelenka was so good at stating the obvious.

“Lock the door. No one in or out.” Rodney used his scary voice. A tiny head popped out of the backpack and the wiggling body was right behind. “Careful. Careful!” He managed a quick save and put the little stowaway on the table. “You okay?”

“I am fine. You are insane.”

“As if I was talking to you.” Rodney grabbed an empty mug and someone’s water. “Thirsty?”

The kitten blinked its big, golden eyes and stuck its head in the mug.

“Turkey does make a person thirsty.” Rodney put his backpack down carefully, and when he looked up, there was a crowd of scientists around his kitten.

“I will not be part of this rule breaking.”

“Yes, yes you will, or I’ll tell you know who about your stash of contraband.” Rodney wasn’t worried about Zelenka ratting him out. “Is anyone allergic?”

“I am.” Stillson – Stimson? – was across the room.

Rodney surveyed the crowd, but no one else looked worried. “Head to lab eight, and do I need to tell you where you’ll end up if you breathe a word of this?”

“Swimming with the fishes?”

“Deeper.” Rodney clapped his hands together. “Okay, people. We have a lab cat. Try not to squee so loud the Marines hear you. Miko, get him a litter box. Simpson, find food and water dishes and put them somewhere out of the way. Radek, you’re in charge of toys, and I’ll make him a bed.”

“We will never get away with this!” Zelenka took off his glasses and rubbed his hands through his hair.

“Oh, yes, we will, and anyone who rats us out has an orbital gate in their future!”

No one looked scared. They were too busy gushing over _his_ kitten. Deciding to let it ride for a moment, he hurried to supplies and made a huge sign.

**_Delicate Simulation in Progress – No Unauthorized Personnel!! Yes, that means you, Sheppard!_ **

_By order of Dr. Rodney McKay_

“You make him curious and it will be worse.”

“Don’t worry. I have a plan, or two.” Rodney grabbed the tape. “Radek, I know I’m asking a lot. The kitten was in the tunnel outside Cheyenne Mountain. They’d have taken him to the pound.”

Zelenka frowned. “Already a mischief maker. I will secure all delicate experiments.”

“And move that _one_.” Rodney smiled but not at Zelenka of course. “I brought you Twinkies.”

“Stop. I am won over.” Zelenka picked up the sign. “I will re-configure the door lock.”

Rodney thought that was a very good idea. “Okay, people, back to work. Someone put him under your lab coat. I’m opening the door.”

The minions scattered, and he waited until everything looked normal before opening the door.

“Hello, Sheppard.”

“I was just dropping by to–. What the hell?”

The door shut in Sheppard’s face, and Rodney taped up the sign. He used plenty of tape. “Your jarjarheads can read, right?”

“That is a terrible insult.” Sheppard glowered. “Also, a bad movie.”

“Liam Neeson was cool.” Rodney slipped the tape roll on his wrist. “Yes, I’m furious about the pie.”

Now Sheppard grinned. “Then all is well in the galaxy. Welcome home, we’ll have it at dinner, with Teyla and Ronon.”

“Four equal pieces,” Rodney growled. He hated sharing.

Sheppard appeared to be studying the sign. “Seriously?”

“Really. Stay out. If something gets bumped or moved, I will end you.” Rodney had no trouble with an evil glare. “I’m going to see Carson and put away my beer.”

“Michelob Golden?”

“Not sharing!” Rodney sing-songed as he went back inside. Zelenka waved a Twinkie at him. Quickly, before everything was gone, he secured his backpack. He saw his kitten with someone who irritated him less than the others and scooped him up to kiss his head. “I have to see Carson. Be good. When you’re a grown up cat, I’ll leave you in charge.”

“Meh.”

“Yeah, I know. They’re a bunch of morons.” Rodney put him down and scooted out the door. He heard it lock. First, he put the beer in his mini-fridge. That done, he hid the rest of his goodies in his sock drawer. His radio was lying on the bed where he’d left it, and he put it on his ear.

It immediately clicked. “I’m waiting for you, Rodney,” Carson said.

“On my way, you bloodsucker.” Rodney regretted the tin of Scottish shortbread cookies more than Carson would ever know.

The infirmary was quiet, and Rodney tried very hard not to smile at his friend but failed miserably. “I, uh, got you something.” He held it out.

Carson looked beyond amazed as he took the tin. “Really? This isn’t a bribe to get out of year’s worth of blood tests?”

“Would it work?” Rodney hadn’t thought of it, and he should’ve. That was so unlike him.

“No, lad, it wouldn’t.” Carson grinned. “Good to have you back. Bring anything else good back with you?”

Rodney nearly spilled the beans about his kitty, but he couldn’t take the chance. “I got Radek some Twinkies.”

“Are you ill?” Carson unwrapped his stethoscope from his neck. “This is serious!”

“Ha. Ha.” Rodney hopped up on the examination table. “I can be nice. When Jeannie makes me.”

Carson laughed. “She’s a marvelous woman. How is she?”

“Fine. Bossy. Impossible. Still bragging about finger paints.” Rodney shrugged off his jacket. “Still married to a moron.”

“Good to hear.” Carson started doing his thing, and Rodney didn’t bother talking again until the stethoscope was out of Carson’s ears. Carson beat him to it. “Did you visit any countries other than Canada?”

“Of course not.” Rodney thought that was the dumbest question ever. “There was pie at Jeannie’s house.”

“I’m surprised they didn’t try to get you to go somewhere and fix something.” Carson tied off Rodney’s arm.

Rodney shrugged. “Oh, well, yes, but did I mention the pie? I let Jeannie talk to them.”

“Ouch.”

Looking away, Rodney tried not to think about his blood rushing into the test tube. “Madison is a very intelligent child. I mean, she is a McKay, but still, I was afraid those English major genes had diminished her potential.” He made sure not to look at his arm. “Ow!”

“I’m sure Caleb is a very nice man.”

“Too nice. It was creepy,” Rodney grumbled. He wasn’t going to like the man, yet. “He did put marshmallows on the yams.”

Carson laughed and snapped off the tie. “See? He’s like a brother already.” He patted on a band-aid. “Let me know if you have any side effects from the time change.”

“So you can refuse to give me meds?”

“Aye.” Carson tucked his tin of cookies under his arm. “Welcome home, Rodney.”

“Yes, yes.” Rodney jumped down and put on his jacket again. He wasn’t going to hug him or do anything rash. It was time to check on the only thing he’d ever trade for pie. He tapped his earpiece. “Radek, how’s the project going?”

Zelenka hesitated. “Quiet. For now.”

“Good. I’ll pick up some things and be there in a few minutes.” He waved to Carson and beat it out the door. Finding a box wasn’t as easy as he’d assumed, and he gave up in favor of the blanket at the end of his bed.

He actually jumped when his radio clicked.

“Rodney, bring food for the project.”

“On it.” Rodney scooted over to the mess hall, made up a tray of turkey sandwiches and jello, of course, and started back for the lab.

Sheppard walked by, turned on his heel, and was right after him. “Did you leave any sandwiches for me?” he demanded.

“Of course,” Rodney lied, walking faster, but he could tell it was a lost cause. Stopping, he held out the tray. “Take one, and then go far away.”

“Cool.” Sheppard grabbed one up. “What’s the blanket for?”

Rodney went for the kill. “If I had time to stand around and chat, I still wouldn’t. Now, excuse me, I have a delicate simulation to run.” He left him in the dust, eating his sandwich.

Zelenka let him in the lab with a small sigh. “There is going to be cat fur everywhere!”

“So invent a better vacuum cleaner!” Rodney put everything down and rescued his kitten from the cruel clutches of Miko. “I had to fight off Sheppard, but I got you some more turkey. The lack of kitten chow is going to be a problem.”

The high-pitched yowl was not reassuring. Rodney filled the food dish – it was in his office – no one went in there – and watched him gobble.

“Radek, go requisition us a cot.” Rodney snapped his finger twice because brilliance had just assaulted him. “No, send Simpson. I have an idea.” He smiled down at his kitten. “Don’t worry. No one is sending you to the bad place.”

“You are a little scary right now.” Radek pushed his glasses back. “And I am _not_ cleaning the litter box.”

Rodney smiled. He wasn’t really listening. “He needs a name. I’m terrible with names. Oh, and pull that big screen over by the door. Operation Make Sheppard Spin in Circles is a go.”

“You are losing your mind.”

But Radek went to get the screen, sent Simpson, and he might have been grinning. Rodney didn’t notice. He made sure the water was fresh.

*********

“Rodney’s up to something. It’s making me itchy.”

Ronon glanced at Teyla. “So beat it out of him.”

John wished he could. “He gave us a pie, Carson got cookies, and Radek has a supply of Twinkies, or so I hear. Rodney is never generous. Never. Something’s up.”

“I heard his sister insisted.” Teyla smiled. “She is a powerful influence in Rodney’s life.”

“And all the turkey sandwiches he’s been eating?” John resented that the most. Those were for military personnel, namely him. “Has anyone been in the lab recently?”

Teyla and Ronon shook their heads at the same time. John sighed. “Ronon, you beat on him at sparring practice today. Find out what’s up with the sandwiches. Teyla, you and I are going to do a bit of recon while he’s busy.”

********

“I overheard them at lunch,” Atkinson – Addison? – said, patting Pie on the head.

“Those bastards,” Rodney hissed, angrier at the thought of his upcoming beating at the hands of Ronon the Barbarian than anything else. “Okay, people!” He clapped his hands. “We’re moving to Def Con 4 – you know what to do!”

“It is a kitten,” Zelenka grumbled, rolling his eyes.

Rodney glared at him. “Does anyone here want Pie returned to Earth?” There was a chorus of ‘no’s’ and Miko looked as if she might cry. Rodney nodded in satisfaction. “Radek, get out that SuperVac, Kitty Hair Destroyer, of yours and get busy. Everyone else, let’s move!”

Zelenka sighed, but he hurried, and Rodney put Pie in the special backpack for transport. Pie had grown, but he – she? – was still small, and he’d snarfed down more turkey than should spatially fit in his tummy earlier, so he settled down and went to sleep. Rodney shut the top after one last pat and put it on his back.

“Radek? Where are they?”

After some clicking, and mumbling in Czech, Zelenka answered. “If Dr. Weir finds out what use you are putting to their subcutaneous transmitters…”

“I’ll tell her it was your idea,” Rodney said loftily. “Radek, if you break under pressure–”

“You will make KGB look like amateur hour, I know.” Zelenka pointed at Miko. “Miko, Teyla is closest, monitor while I engineer a small power outage. Rodney, go now.”

Satisfied, Rodney headed out the door. He made sure not to look happy or guilty. Pie didn’t move or meow. Halfway to the north lab, his radio clicked.

“Rodney, we have a power outage in the control tower,” Sheppard said. “I’m heading there.”

“I’ll see what I can do.” Rodney walked faster. He passed Pie off to Simpson right inside the doorway. “We ready?”

“Almost.”

That would have to be good enough. Pie would sleep at least another thirty minutes. Rodney ran for the control tower but made sure not to look crazy when he got there.

“‘Bout time,” Sheppard grumbled.

“I was in my quarters, half-naked, getting ready for my workout.” Rodney saw the Sheppard wince. “Just the top half was naked,” he added spitefully.

“Far too much information.” Sheppard covered his eyes. “Fix it.”

“Yes, and would you like anything else while I’m at it?” Rodney made a show of checking crystals. Sheppard mumbled something about turkey, and Rodney pretended to find the problem. He clicked his radio. “Radek, re-route power now.”

“Yes, and systems down here were not affected.”

The lights came back on, and Rodney started shutting control panels. “Now can I go to the gym?”

“If you gotta.” Sheppard continued to lean against the wall. Rodney gave him the look of death because it was expected and really did start for his quarters. Being late to one of Ronon’s workouts was something he never wanted to be.

*********

“Okay, keep an eye out for Rodney. If you see him, radio me, but pretend it’s not me, and say something like, ‘the fox is near the henhouse.’” John was going in, sign or no sign.

Teyla’s eyebrows went up. “What is a henhouse?”

John sighed dramatically. “Give me a clue!” He strolled around the corner. “Huh?”

“What is it?” Teyla left her post to join him.

“The sign is gone.” John didn’t really believe in coincidences. “Think we’ve been spotted?”

“I think you have taken one too many blows to the head.” Teyla headed straight for the lab door. “I will ask Dr. Zelenka what is going on with Dr. McKay.”

“Good idea. I’ll snoop around while you distract him.” John would check Rodney’s office. No one ever went in there so Rodney would think it was a great place to hide something. Zelenka didn’t even look up when they strolled in the door. The place looked the same. John sniffed the air. “Been housecleaning, Radek?”

Zelenka shrugged. “Too much dirt around computers is a bad thing.”

John noticed the lack of empty jello cups. That was just wrong, and things had to be worse than he’d thought. Teyla stepped closer to Zelenka, and that was his cue to look around. Rodney’s office was still mostly empty. John spotted a new cot and wandered over to it.

“Hey, Miko. What’s up with the cot?”

Miko swallowed hard. She lowered her voice, and John edged closer. “Dr. McKay rests there sometimes, but do not tell him I mentioned it.”

“That’s it?” John tried to tower over her. “But he hasn’t been working here lately?”

“He has been in north lab for a couple of days.” Miko smiled up at him. “Radek said very mean things in Czech about the mess left behind so I cleaned it up.”

That was all too likely. John’s hope now lay with Ronon and his big stick. Simpson called Miko away, and John honed in on Zelenka.

“How’d that delicate simulation go?” John made sure to sound forceful, like he expected an honest answer.

“It exploded. Rodney was furious. Didn’t you hear him screaming?” Zelenka put his chin on his fist. “You are lucky it wasn’t you who did it.”

John and Teyla exchanged a look. They were both glad it hadn’t been their fault. Zelenka continued, “He will be in the east lab working on a problem with the jumpers later.

“Or in the infirmary.” Zelenka grinned.

“Did you bribe Ronon with a Twinkie to give Rodney a hard time?” John hoped so.

“Of course not.” Zelenka never lost his grin.

Teyla rolled her eyes in a protest against men in general. John checked his watch, not caring what time it was, but it was time to go. “I’ve got that thing. Teyla, you coming?”

She nodded, and they beat a hasty retreat. John wasn’t satisfied. This wasn’t over. Round one had gone to McKay, but the game was seriously afoot now.

“Are you satisfied that Dr. McKay is doing nothing unusual?”

“I’m more suspicious than ever.”

*********

It happened because he knew the plan. If he hadn’t known, he would’ve stuck in there, dodging and cursing, but he did know, and the best defense was a good offense. Or as his mother had taught him, guilt was a beautiful thing. It was the pain that worried him.

Ronon backed up a little and swung his wooden sword in a tight circle. “So, what’s with all the turkey sandwiches?”

Rodney never took his eyes off the blow that was coming, and he ducked when he shouldn’t, and the crack was amazing loud. Stars, streamers, and little heart-shaped candies danced in his brain, and later he would have a vague memory of staggering, held up by Ronon, to the infirmary. The things he did for love.

“What the bloody hell?” Carson swam in and out of Rodney’s vision.

“Ow,” Rodney tried to say.

“Help me get him up on a gurney.”

It wasn’t as easy as it sounded. Rodney tried to help but nearly fell down, taking Carson with him. Ronon finally picked him right up and put him on it.

“I’ve been dieting. Lots of turkey,” Rodney mumbled.

“I’d say skip the pudding,” Ronon said with a grunt.

“Were ya trying to knock him out?”

“Ow,” Rodney said again. “Am I bleeding?”

“Aye, Rodney, you are. Now lie still while I stitch your skull back together.”

That sounded awful. Rodney tried to make both eyes focus. “Tell Zelenka I’ll be here for a minute or two.”

Ronon tapped his earpiece. “Sheppard, I sorta knocked out McKay. He’s in the infirmary.”

“I get drugs, right?” Rodney hoped so. His head started to pound like a drum. “Soon?”

“What did you do, Ronon?” Sheppard demanded, having miraculously appeared out of thin air.

“Hit him.”

“You weren’t supposed to–” Sheppard snapped his mouth shut. “He gonna be okay, Doc?”

Rodney was going to get them back. Somehow. When he could see straight. “I brought you pie,” he whispered, regretting that more than ever. Shutting one eye, he was able to see guilt blossom on the faces of his teammates. Well, not Ronon, but he was immune to guilt.

“I heard Rodney was hurt,” Elizabeth said from somewhere to his right, but he wasn’t going to look as his head might fall off. “What happened?”

“He hit my stick with his head.” Ronon was a funny guy.

“He’ll be fine. Now all of you get out so I can stitch him up!” Carson sounded a trifle irritated. “And I sincerely hope this _was_ an accident.”

Rodney made a note to get more cookies for Carson. He rolled his head to the side to thank him and threw up on Sheppard’s boots, which was sweet, sweet revenge.

“Rodney!”

“I want a report later,” Elizabeth said.

“He didn’t just–” Sheppard sounded nauseous.

“Out! All of you!”

“Bleah.” Rodney was reluctant to move his head again. As soon as he was mobile, he was going to work this guilt for all it was worth. “Ow?”

Carson sighed loudly. “At least it’s not an arrow.”

********

Guilt sucked. It did. He’d thought he carried enough of it around but apparently not. Ronon shot him an ugly look, and Teyla frowned in that way that meant John was a screw-up. This was all Zelenka’s fault.

“Did he have to puke on my boots?” John asked the universe.

Elizabeth caught up with him. “Not an accident?”

John swallowed hard. Yep, he was guilty. Damn. “I merely suggested that Ronon ask Rodney a few questions.”

“About what?” Elizabeth’s frown couldn’t get any deeper.

“He’s been eating a lot of turkey sandwiches!” John knew he sounded like an idiot, but he couldn’t lie with Teyla glaring at him.

“Said he was on a diet.” Ronon still looked pissed.

“Rodney? A diet?” John had a hard time with that, but now was not the time to laugh. “I didn’t tell you to bust his head open!”

Ronon snorted and strode off. John felt his balls shrivel up. Later, when they were sparring, he was so dead. Teyla left him to Elizabeth’s tender mercies.

“John, please don’t kill my lead scientist over turkey. I’ll requisition more.” Elizabeth smiled in a way that scared him. “Okay?”

“He’s up to something,” John said again lamely. “I really didn’t–” He stopped. Guilt sucked, but he was getting Zelenka for this.

“Go clean off your boots.” Elizabeth walked away without looking back. John groaned. He should probably find an excuse to go to the alpha site for a few days.

*********

“Yes, yes, yes, I know all the rules. Not my first head injury by a long shot!” Rodney tapped his earpiece the instant he cleared the door. “Radek, I want an update.”

“Several people want to see you in the north lab.”

“I’ll go there first. Are we still at Def Con 4?” Rodney’s head pounded with every step, but he was going.

“Miko informs me that we’re at one.” Zelenka sighed. “There are no mangos near your position.”

“That’s tangos, you idiot.” But Rodney was glad to hear it. “Sheppard?”

“He went to the alpha site.” Zelenka chuckled. “How is your head?”

“Sore,” Rodney grumbled and clicked off. He walked faster and went inside quickly. There was a scrabble of claws across metal and Pie hit Rodney in the chest. Rodney oofed, moved to a chair, and sat down heavily. “I took one across the head for you,” he whispered.

It had been really stupid, and next time he’d find another way. Of course, the guilt on Sheppard’s face would make it worthwhile. Pie bumped his head into Rodney’s chin and purred. That made it all better.

Relaxing back, he dealt with this problem and that, working on a tablet one-handed and holding his kitten in the crook of his arm. At some point, someone handed him a cup of coffee, and he continued to putter.

When Pie got right in his face and meowed, Rodney knew it was lunch time. “Someone get us some lunch?” He pitched his voice to be heard the length of the lab. For once, there was no shortage of volunteers, and he pushed his tablet aside to concentrate on how to hide Pie the next time Sheppard came looking.

Slacking off on the turkey would look suspicious, and throwing a huge fit over it would be incredibly fun, but then he’d see about mixing things up a bit more. He also wished he could take Pie to his quarters at night. So far, he hadn’t dared, but if Sheppard was at the alpha site, maybe it was possible.

“Meh!”

“Yes, yes, I know we’re hungry.” Rodney smiled and hugged him. “Are you keeping my minions on their toes?”

Pie purred and struggled to get away. Rodney let him go and he dashed away happily only to race right back. Someone laughed, and Rodney wondered if all this happiness might be bad for productivity.

That night, not too late, he put Pie in the specially-made backpack and went to his quarters. There were new things to explore, complaints about hastily found water dishes that might have held jello before and Rodney remembered about the litter box almost too late.

Luckily, one of the botanists had found a mossy solution to the problem of the poop. Rodney was sure it wasn’t being composted, but botanists were a strange lot. Who knew what they were doing? He made sure his door wouldn’t open for anyone or anything that meowed. Pie curled up into the hollow made by Rodney’s knees and they slept.

*********

“Are you happy? I stopped eating turkey!” Rodney worked the indignation like a pro.

Sighing wasn’t a good response, but it was all he had. “Rodney, I didn’t mean–”

“For Ronon to knock my head off?” Rodney screeched. “Let me guess, he was just supposed to beat me up! So you could eat all the turkey!”

“Now you’re just being ridiculous.” John managed a snort, but, oh, the guilt was easy. “It was an accident. You two were sparring, and that’s never completely safe, and yes, I like turkey, but not enough to have you mugged!”

Rodney made a disbelieving noise. “So, before I end up with more stitches in my cranium, do you have a problem with my new obsession over tuna?”

“Oh, gross.” John made a nasty face. “How the hell did _that_ get requisitioned?”

“Dr. Weir.” Rodney’s eyes grew wide. “You don’t think she’ll have Ronon… for the…” He swallowed hard.

John raised his hands and tried to sound soothing. “No. She wouldn’t. You’ve been acting strange lately. Tell me why.”

“What?” Rodney’s hands flailed. “I’ve been working! I’m sure if you managed to find your office, there might be things that require your attention!”

“Okay, now, that’s just not… fair.” John began to get angry.

“And this was?” Sarcasm was something else that Rodney had a P.H.D. in, and he pointed at his head to emphasize.

Anger deflated into guilt and groaning made Rodney’s blue eyes flare brighter. John began to think hiding in his office was a good idea. “I’m sorry, okay. Ronon is sorry. Teyla is sorry. We’re all sorry!”

“I shared pie with you!” Rodney looked pure evil now. “I could’ve put it in my backpack and you’d have never known. Thanksgiving, my ass.”

“I’ll make it up to you.” John broke. He had to, and he’d regret it later. Unfortunately, his natural-born sarcasm had one more thing to say. “And there wasn’t football. It’s really not Thanksgiving unless the Lions play.”

“I’m telling Jeannie.” Rodney dropped that bomb and stormed away.

“Glad I’m not you,” Chuck said softly. John could see him choking back laughter. Rodney had no doubt timed this argument to take place in front of as many people as possible. He was like that. John caught Elizabeth looking at him and shrugged. She frowned, and that made it clear that she was still mad too. He tried not to slink away.

*********

Picking up Pie with an extra flourish, he kissed him on the forehead. “That’ll work for a while.”

“The colonel is chastened?”

“Completely.” Rodney was satisfied with that. He had four stitches for God’s sake! “Did we get the proximity detectors installed while I was bleeding?”

“We did. Anyone with a subcutaneous transmitter that comes down the hallway will register.” Zelenka waved his hand generally at everyone. “A message will flash across every laptop, identifying the person.”

“You better hope it works.” Rodney beamed at Pie, putting her on the table, and said, “He’s really growing.”

“Kittens turn into cats. That’s the problem.” Zelenka hadn’t been won over in the slightest. It was a mark against him. “Are you sure it’s a him?”

Rodney hadn’t looked, and it seemed rude, and it could wait until it was obvious one way or the other. “Oh. Well. No?”

“Dr. Beckett is from Scotland. Maybe he knows such things.” Zelenka made a motion at Rodney’s office. “A word?”

“You are so not Dr. Weir.” Rodney glared but went with him, shutting the door. Pie immediately meowed so Rodney let him in and then he turned and glared at the door. “You can handle a minute.”

Pie stuck his paw out the other side. Zelenka sighed heavily.

“What?” Rodney waited to hear it.

“You are in love with a furball. It’s unhealthy.” Zelenka had a tablet and he brandished it like a weapon. “Productivity–”

Rodney groaned, interrupting him. “It’s down, isn’t it? Oh, crap. I was afraid of this!”

“What? No!” Zelenka frowned down at his tablet. “It is up. I do not understand it. And people seem happier, and you are easier to get along with. It is a complete mystery.”

“It’s Pie. Everyone loves Pie.” Rodney opened the door so Pie could go out. “I’m not surprised at all,” he lied, intensely grateful he’d been wrong, and that was a first. He shut the door and waited for a paw. “Now, I really do have to go work in the jumper bay. Are we good here?”

Zelenka nodded. “We are. Tell me, why do they not complain about the potty pan?”

“The power of the meow.”

Pie yowled, and Rodney opened the door again. “Yes, you’re in command. I think you need a rank of some sort. Admiral Pie? Captain?”

“Meow.” Pie’s tail curved into a question mark.

“There it is then. Captain Pie, keep the fools in line. I’ll be back in a few hours.” Rodney gave him – her? – a sketchy salute and went to get his kit. Zelenka was whispering in Czech, but he was back at his laptop so all was well. Rodney stopped by Miko’s station. “We all know the protocols, right?”

“Right.” Miko smiled. “I have also set up a rotation schedule. The other labs insisted.”

“Good, good.” Rodney analyzed her data for a moment. “Check line thirteen. Have Pie help you with the math.”

Miko giggled. “I will check it twice.”

“Meow.” Pie jumped up on the table next to her. Rodney patted him on the head again and started for the jumper bay. He usually had Zelenka repair them, but certain systems required the gene so it was on him this time.

*********

“Look, Lorne, go shake down everyone.” John surveyed the pile of chocolate and caramel. It wasn’t near enough. “He’s really mad.”

“He’s got stitches. You had a man who hates pain whomped on.” Lorne rolled his eyes. “Wouldn’t some covert surveillance have been smarter?”

John tried to level him with his best glare. “What have you got?”

Lorne smiled, but it meant bad things. “No paperwork for a month.”

“What’ve you got?” John wasn’t giving that up for anything less than–. “Deal. It better not be melted.”

“Nope.” Lorne grinned, adding the candy bar to the stack. “Pleasure doing business with you. Now, about that surveillance.”

“Forget it. I can’t afford your rates.” John loaded up his pockets. Next time, he’d talk to Lorne first. Now, he’d track down McKay and get this over with. They had a mission in two days, and he didn’t want non-stop complaining the entire time. Half was plenty. He tapped his comm. “Zelenka, where’s McKay?”

“In jumper bay.”

“Thanks.” John didn’t hurry, and this still didn’t solve the problem of Ronon, who would be out for blood. This time, John’s blood. And there was still something going on, but covert was the way to go this time.

*********

“A jumbo Snickers bar?” Rodney was afraid his hand might have been shaking slightly as he took it. “You could trade that for anything!”

“I already did,” Sheppard muttered. “Take it. I’m sorry.”

“Well, now I believe you.” He got up enough to sit on the bench. “Who had this beauty?”

“Lorne.” Sheppard sighed. Rodney was tempted to save it for Christmas, but he wasn’t good at waiting. He peeled it open and took a bite. God, it was good. He nearly passed out from the wonderfulness. When he looked up, Sheppard smiled. “Good, huh?”

“I’d share, but you did have me mugged, and germs and what not.” Rodney ate another bite and nearly fell over from the goodness. “This is better than pain pills,” he mumbled.

Sheppard sat down across from him. “Find all the glitches?”

“Think so.” Rodney took another bite, curled the paper around it, and tucked it away in his tool kit. No reason to eat it all right now. “What else?” He would admit some suspicion. He’d won the first couple of rounds, but Sheppard never gave up easily.

There was a Sheppard shrug. “Haven’t seen you around much.”

“Would you like to carry my tool kit?” Rodney smiled brightly, falsely, and he had a surefire way to distract Sheppard. “When’s team movie night?”

“Soon.”

Rodney eased up and started snapping panels back into place. “You know how it is after a vacation. I have a lot of ‘making sure the city doesn’t blow up’ jobs to do, but I am sorry about the turkey thing.”

Sheppard nearly jumped to his feet. “No, not a problem. Eat all you want.”

“Right.” Rodney didn’t believe that for a minute.

“So, we’re good?” Sheppard’s eyes were intense.

“Yeah, we’re good.” Rodney picked up his tool kit. He wasn’t sure what else to say, not wanting to push his luck and make Sheppard more suspicious. “I gotta, uh, go.”

When Sheppard didn’t answer, Rodney rolled his eyes and strolled towards his lab. Casual was the way to do it. He stored his tools away and went to his chair at his desk. Ten seconds later, Pie curled up in his lap. Since his head was still complaining, he sat quietly, doing no more than petting his cat and trying to figure out what Sheppard’s next move would be.

*********

John rubbed his eyes, thinking they might be permanently crossed. He’d watched hours of surveillance footage and seen Rodney do any number of things, but nothing strange, nothing out of the ordinary. Rodney did have a new backpack that he carried from lab to lab. That was it. That was the extent of John’s new knowledge. He was so going to kick Lorne’s butt for this suggestion.

He sighed loudly, thinking it all through again, or trying to, and coming up with a few solid facts. Rodney had been acting strange since his trip home for Canadian Thanksgiving, Ronon could not be trusted with interrogation techniques that didn’t involve beating it out of someone, Teyla thought John was insane, and Rodney had a new backpack. That was it.

Slumping down to cradle his head in his arms, he gave up and inspiration hit. He’d plant a camera inside Rodney’s quarters. Rodney would kill him if he found out, but he wouldn’t because John would get Atlantis to do it. She did, as Rodney constantly reminded him, like him best.

*********

“You were right.” Zelenka picked up Pie from a spot near his laptop and deposited her – him? – near Rodney. “He has been at it for hours.”

Rodney cuddled his mistreated cat to his chest. “Did he ask why the lab surveillance footage was unavailable?”

“Strangely no.” Zelenka brandished his mini-vac again and ran it over his keyboard. Pie and Rodney both frowned at the obnoxious noise. Rodney took Pie to a safe distance and knew this could go two ways. Sheppard might insist Rodney give him the lab footage, or Sheppard would plant a camera in Rodney’s room.

The second was the most likely because it was the sneakiest, and John was a sneak of epic proportions. Pie narrowed his eyes, and Rodney nodded. They’d get him back for even thinking it.

*********

Getting into Rodney’s quarters turned out to be harder than he expected. Usually, the door just popped open. Today, it didn’t, and John stared stupidly at it for a moment. Fortunately, he’d learned a few things from Rodney on how to open doors over the years.

This’d be a piece of cake. He glanced up and down the hallway to make sure he was alone, leaned over, and popped off the door mechanism.

There was a blast, and it caught him in the face, and he yelped like a little boy caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

Blinded, wheezing, he staggered back towards his room. He didn’t even bother to toe off his boots before getting his face under the shower nozzle. Pepper spray hurt, and tears ran down his face.

“Not funny, Rodney!”

*********

“Carson, would you please go check on Colonel Sheppard in his quarters?” Rodney made sure to keep his voice bland, not full of glee.

“Rodney, are you pranking each other again?”

“Um, possibly?” Rodney clicked off and kissed his cat on the head. “That’ll teach him, Pie.”

Pie meowed in an evil way, and Rodney laughed. He’d throw Sheppard a bone by setting up a team movie night, complete with popcorn.

*********

“How’d that covert thing work out for you, Colonel?” Lorne smiled in that All-American boy way of his that made John’s teeth hurt.

“If I even suspected you were gloating, I’d assign you KP for the rest of the year.” John glowered, almost rubbing his eyes again.

Lorne didn’t lose his smile. “Sir, you know McKay is going to cover all the obvious bases if he’s hiding something. You’ve got to play to your assets.”

“I know he’s hiding something!” John went ahead and rubbed his eyes, wishing he could trade them for a new pair. “Go away, Lorne. It’s movie night, and there’s popcorn, and I’m willing to concede defeat for a day or two.”

“And then you’ll get him.”

“Damn right I will.” John would get him good, maybe with a flash bang or even a small amount of –.

“Colonel!”

John waited for Carson to catch up with him. “I’m fine. Really.”

“I know you are. I just wondered if you knew what movie Rodney was planning.” Carson smiled, and since he hadn’t laughed too much at the pepper spray, John was willing to let it slide.

“ _Outlander_ or _Snakes on a Plane_ is what I heard from Zelenka.” John might’ve skipped going but the movie was in Rodney’s quarters, and he wanted to check out the place. Maybe there’d be a clue.

Carson laughed. “Sounds as if Rodney is sorry about the pepper spray.”

“He should be,” John grumbled, but it was his own fault for not being sneakier. Lorne was right. John had to play to his assets. Tonight, he’d laugh at himself and be charming. Make Rodney lower his guard.

Rodney opened the door for them and immediately forked over a big bowl of popcorn. John took it because he’d earned it, and Carson could get his own.

“I was actually trying to get Zelenka with that pepper bomb,” Rodney lied, and he did it so poorly. “Sorry, Colonel.”

Teyla nodded her head, believing him, and so John had to make nice. He stuffed his mouth full of popcorn and sprawled on the floor near Ronon, who had his own bowl, that no one would dare touch.

Carson sat on the opposite end of the sofa, stealing some of Teyla’s. “Pepper spray is not a prank, Rodney. You should be ashamed.”

“People shouldn’t try to break into other people’s quarters.” Rodney sounded righteous, and John wanted to smack him.

Casually, John started surveying the room, trying to see anything suspicious or out of place. Nothing, but since he was on the floor, he peeked under the sofa, pulling out a wadded up bit of paper. He threw it at Rodney, glad when it smacked him.

“Oh, very mature, Colonel.”

Laughing, Carson picked up the paper. He immediately sneezed. Explosively.

“Ew!” Rodney saved the popcorn, and Carson sneezed again. And again. And his eyes began to water, and John saw all the blood rush from Rodney’s face.

Carson waved his hands in the air, stumbling to his feet amid a torrent of sneezing. “Allergies!”

John palmed the ball into his pocket. “Everyone stay put. I got it.” Chances were good someone would eat his popcorn, but Rodney’s pale face told him the game was afoot. Taking the ball out, he casually inspected it, sending Carson off into another episode.

“What the bloody hell?” Carson tried to take it, but John stuffed it away again. He smiled triumphantly at Carson’s weeping face.

“It all began with a pie, Carson.”

*********

Snakes did not belong on planes – and explaining it to Teyla was making Rodney’s brain hurt.

“Carson is allergic?” she asked.

Rodney went with a nod, but he had a bad feeling in his gut. It was probably time to secure his most precious asset. Sheppard wasn’t a genius, but he was wily, cagey, tenacious, smart, and underestimating him would be a mistake.

“Allergic to cats,” Ronon growled. “Are cats good eating?”

“No!” Rodney might possibly have panicked at that point. “I’ll be right back. I forgot to check… something.”

He knew exactly where Pie was supposed to be during this, so he hurried down to Botany – the last place anyone would suspect because everyone knew all the plants gave him the creeps.

Palming open the door, he grinned when a small-size furball jumped into his arms.

“You’re better than any movie about dumb snakes,” Rodney said into soft fur. Pie purred and head-butted him.

“I’m not sure how many regulations you’ve broken, but forget that, you peppered me because of a cat!”

Rodney whirled, clutching his cat possessively. “Back away. You deserved it! You were trying to break into my quarters!”

“With good reason it turns out!”

Pie meowed and wiggled, and Rodney held him tighter. “Well, now you know my secret!”

“I sure do, and that cat is going!” Sheppard pointed, obviously angry. “Cats do not belong on Atlantis!”

The door opened behind them, and Carson staggered inside. “I knew it! A bloody cat!”

“My cat!” Rodney lost the fight to hold his terrified kitten, who took advantage of the open door and bolted for his – her? – life. “Pie!”

“Worst name ever,” Sheppard hissed. Carson sneezed again, and Rodney shoved past both of them to chase after his cat. He could hear Sheppard in hot pursuit, and Carson sneezing, and he clicked his radio.

“Radek! Go to red alert!” Rodney saw a tail disappear into a transporter and came to a screeching halt in front of it.

“The geek stuff never quits, does it?” Sheppard reached to palm it open, and Rodney got ready. The doors opened, no cat, and Rodney groaned in anger and dismay.

“This is your fault!” Rodney poked Sheppard in the chest. “You scared him!”

“If he’s using the transporters, _I’m_ scared. Are you sure it’s a cat, not some sort of Goa’uld who conned you into bringing it to Atlantis?”

Anger turned to complete fear. “Pie is a cat!”

“Yeah, you hope.” Sheppard touched his ear. “Lorne, take the city to lockdown. Engage the internal sensors, and I’ll be there in a minute.”

“On it, sir.”

“Engage?” Rodney growled. “I’m not the only geek here. Pie is my kitten! I found him outside of Cheyenne Mountain!”

“And you never suspected you were being played?” John had thought Rodney had new toys he didn’t want to share, like racing cars, never a cat. A cat! “Elizabeth is going to kill you.”

“Anyway, Pie has a GPS in his collar, even though I call it a CPS, which I intend to trademark and market when we get home.” Rodney refused to stand around, talking to his moron friend another minute. He stepped inside the transporter. “Well, are you coming or not?”

“I’m coming, but you are seriously dead.”

Rodney pushed the button, and they rushed down to the lab. Zelenka already had the system up and running, and Rodney only shoved him aside a little.

Miko nearly pushed Sheppard down. “Pie is lost?”

“He’s fine,” Rodney said automatically.

“He’s a Goa’uld! Didn’t anyone notice the spooky golden eyes?” Sheppard put his hands on his hips.

Everyone stopped and stared at him. Zelenka shook his head. “I tested him for parasite when I found him reading my laptop. He is not. He is odd but not infested.”

“You did what?” Rodney got right in Zelenka’s face. “Pie is not odd!”

“He used the transporter, Rodney,” Sheppard drawled.

“I taught him that,” Miko said with a sniff. “I’d use his little paw to push the screen.”

“Anything else you taught him? Like how to dial out?” Sheppard’s eyes were huge.

Rodney snatched up a life-signs detector and made a few quick modifications. “I’m going after my cat. My cat. You morons get out of the way.”

“Lorne, meet me at transporter two. Bring stunners.” Sheppard was already leaving, and Rodney dashed after him.

“Dr. McKay and Colonel Sheppard, please report to the gateroom. Dr. McKay and Colonel Sheppard.”

“Colonel, Rodney, did you ever intend to give me a report of who exactly is invading Atlantis?” Elizabeth’s voice rang loud and clear in both Rodney’s and Sheppard’s ears.

“It’s not an invasion!” Rodney snapped, staring down at his handheld. From what he could tell, Pie had holed up on the West Pier, for now. Sheppard grabbed him by the shoulder and tugged.

“Gateroom, now.”

“Just let me get my kitten,” Rodney said. “I swear she’s not evil.” He discounted all the times he’d seen Pie steal food, sleep on laptops, untie people’s shoes, and dip her paw in Zelenka’s coffee.

“On our way, Elizabeth,” Sheppard answered for them both. “You had to know you couldn’t get away with this forever.”

“I was gonna try.” Rodney slumped, but he went with him. “Stupid allergies.”

Weir had on her ‘you are doomed’ face, and Rodney started explaining that Sheppard was a jerk and Carson was an idiot before anyone else could open their mouths. Sheppard started trying to yell over him but there was no way that was happening. Lorne laughed until Sheppard kicked him in the shin, and then Ronon and Teyla arrived.

“I’ll catch him,” Ronon growled.

“Absolutely not. You’ll eat him!” Rodney waved his life-signs detector in the air. “I’ll go get him. You idiots stay here!”

“Go with him,” Weir said. “But John, I’m not sure we need a lockdown. I’ll alert all personnel to be on the lookout for a small… what color is he, Rodney?”

“Black with a white patch, and it might possibly be a girl.” Rodney didn’t listen any longer. He ran for the transporter.

**********

John motioned to Ronon and Teyla. “Let’s go, and Ronon, cats aren’t good eating, but they do have very sharp claws.”

“We will be cautious,” Teyla said.

Ronon spun his gun several times, and John suddenly felt guilty. It was a kitty, and Rodney had been clutching it like it was his favorite teddy bear, and seriously, Ronon better not shoot it, or Rodney would kill them all in their sleep.

“Set it for stun,” John said, and they got moving before Rodney left them behind. “Apparently, he can run when properly motivated.”

“How big is a cat?” Teyla asked.

“He’s a kitten!” Rodney shouted, still ahead of them, but they all crammed into the transporter together. “And if you put a hair out of place on his body, I’ll–”

“Smaller than a P-90, sorta like those green monkey things on MX-134 in size,” John interrupted Rodney’s ranting as they materialized on the West Pier. “He’ll be quick, smart, and probably pissed, and whatever you do, don’t let him bite you. He might have rabies or something.”

That pulled Rodney to a complete stop. “He does not! Sheppard, when I get my cat back, I am so going to hurt you.”

“Probably should’ve brought a net,” John mumbled, more worried now. Rodney was practically rabid, forget the cat. They moved quickly, Rodney never taking his eyes off the dot, but they heard the cat long before they saw him.

“That noise is unsettling,” Teyla whispered.

Ronon got a feral look on his face, and John put a hand on the big guy’s chest. “Easy, Chewie.”

“Let me try.” Rodney tucked his life-signs detector away and called, “Kitty! Kitty! Pie!”

“I like pie,” Ronon said, crouching lower. The yowling came their direction, and John got his stunner ready, motioning to Teyla and Ronon. The cat was going back stunned. John wasn’t taking any chances on rabies.

“There you are, Pie. I’ve been worried!” Rodney held out his arms, and faster than lightning, the cat leaped onto him. Ronon stunned them both before John could stop him, not that he would have.

John stared down at them, lumped together, and tried not to feel guilty. Atlantis was no place for cats, and Rodney had known that, and this had never been going to end well.

“I fear Rodney is going to be angry,” Teyla said.

“Scrawny little thing,” Ronon said. “The cat, not McKay.”

“We are so dead,” John said.

*********

Yelling at them got him nowhere, so he went to his office to sulk and plot Sheppard’s downfall. Pie was locked up down in zoology in an Ancient equivalent to a cat carrier, and his pitiful yowling mixed with Rodney’s ranting hadn’t moved Elizabeth an inch.

“I am sorry, Rodney,” Zelenka said from the doorway. “He was strange but not a bad cat.”

Rodney glared, glad for someone new to yell at. “You thought he was an alien, and you didn’t tell me?”

“I knew you would not listen. Perhaps he will be allowed to stay?”

“No, he’s going back to Earth on the Daedalus.” Rodney didn’t look right at him. Saying it was painful, and Rodney fully intended to make them all pay.

A skittering of claws made Rodney look up, and Pie launched himself onto the desk and into Rodney’s arms. “Oh, kitty,” Rodney whispered, hugging him close. Zelenka shut the door behind him, and Rodney held his cat instead of going to find out who had turned him loose.

A good ten minutes later, Pie was still purring, Carson came into Rodney’s office. Carson had a glassy look in his eyes. “Rodney, it appears as if the wee beastie has the gene. As soon as our backs were turned, she popped open her carrier and shot out the door.”

Rodney, unsurprised, stroked his cat’s head. “Are you going to start sneezing?”

“I took two pills.” Carson stayed by the door. “We also have another problem.”

“I may resign and go back to Earth with him,” Rodney said firmly. “I didn’t realize how mean you people were until I saw how you treated a small cat!”

“She’s pregnant.” Carson rubbed his nose.

Stunned, Rodney sat in silence. Then he slowly grinned. The door opened again, and his team eased into the room.

Sheppard sighed loudly. “The SGC doesn’t want her back, no way.”

“She’s too young,” Rodney blurted.

Carson shook his head. “She’s one of the smaller breeds, and she’s old enough.”

“Sheppard said we get to go cat hunting,” Ronon said.

“He also said they weren’t good eating,” Teyla said.

“What worries me is that someone on this base is more devious than Rodney,” Sheppard said.

Rodney glided his hand down and skimmed across her belly. “I’m still mad.” He was so relieved that he was boneless. “Sheppard, you’re a jerk.”

“I know.” Sheppard rubbed the back of his neck. “I thought you were hiding something good, not a cat.”

Pie turned her golden eyes on him and hissed. Rodney completely agreed.

********

Epilogue

John glared at the large, obviously male, tabby cat in the arms of his cringing owner. “Lorne, I am so putting you on report for this!”

*********

the end

[ ](http://blackchaps.files.wordpress.com/2010/02/gsksru1266122068.jpg)


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